Tuckered!!

Today , i m addressing to all those people who know me and want to share some

parts of life.

 I m a person we with very ordinary talents and some more freakish attitude than n anybody can  even imagine.

I do sketching and love music.My characteristics are these days more near to a crazy person. As i m moony, stubborn and kind of loner.These all kind of traits have brought me only disappointment andagony. I have turned into a nostalgic.

But let tell you something all my incapability's, sometime ago  were my capability.

I was known for my never say die attitude and resilience. I never lost any thing till i found her.

That was my eleventh standard and i was well popular due my basket ball and one girl. Truly speaking i tried all my efforts to become popular through that girl. As she was a great drama.

I don't wanna name her as loads of people know her. She was somebody you always find in lime light for doing nothing. 

I aspired to be popular guy as she was, i was new to school and not many people knew me. so played little game , and showed my inclination towards her. That actually was hitting bulls eye.

There were n number of people who concern about me , suddenly. There were people who always included me in their talks.In one night i was a popular stuff.

So we again come back to eleventh standard, i was there and totally ignored what is going to happen. First day as i was a small, thin and energetic guy. I was always kiddish and something always brewing in my mind. And First day and Zero period i was playing with a paper plane. I  was throwing to the fan and fan was throwing it with lot power. This game was really interesting to me for a period of time and then ....

It landed on somebodies desk, she  lifted her face and gave an unemotional look and threw that plane after crushing it properly.While i just hid myself under the table and from the sneak i saw her.I was shocked i felt smitten first time in life so badly. Her face made me reach to seven sky and a feeling you get after you have attended a big jam night.  i was breathless, vision less and told to myself "what a Girl!".

That was the moment will never forget in life. I lifted that crushed paper and tried to see her face again. She was sitting in last row from the door, engrossed in doing her mathematics. I know this as i knew lot of people go to ma thematic tuition in morning just before school.

Actually it was more like a trend. They followed as i told i never had a damn clue why the heck they all were doing so. This was my first sighting of her and a bad one too. Whole of the day i tried to say sorry.But forget it, I really didn't know how to speak to beautiful stranger. This left me feel some uneasiness in heart. I wanted to speak to her all this but cannot 'cause i myself was new to it.

So declared may be i have a gases issues.

English was something i have studied very thoroughly for two years. I had all sorts of slogging in this session, i did all that i never even imagined i, i will do in my. Making notes, writ ting as fast

as journalist writes(with out kknowing any knowledge about short hands). Ended up in making my own sign language. After reaching home translate to a proper text format. Come' on man what a heck this is! was a daily line for me before starting . I knew some people don't gave a damn to that still our English teacher made them do it, compulsorily. 

Here comes another confession, i was facing serious problems that to get distinguished. The people who actually came to my class room,  were not known to me and rest were all strangers.

So again i reached at the same position as i was two years ago.

I needed to make a mark and people had their marks as they were all studying with teachers since child hood.

This is life, this time no one was there to rescue me and i started taking English quite seriously and left no space where my English teacher can question me. She had an aura, and i badly, wanted her get impressed by me. There were people who showed path to me. As one girl was there , whose presentation was unbeaten. She actually forced me indirectly, to at least try a bit.

These all activities were bringing a new change in me. I started learning and getting marks but only in English. As i was pathetic in my rest of the ventures. Chemistry was an enigma to me since child hood and i cannot sit and mug all the equations.  

I knew, i m missing a huge drawback of my brain. I was totally unable to processes any mathematical calculation. This is a fact , whenever the question comes i used to think what to do with notations. I mean what operation  and what output should come out, were all alien to my brain.

So , coming back to the English as i had a dragging force for it. I asked once Her(her highness)  English Copy for completing some left overs. I got it after a little hesitation.I got it and i was not feeling anything special about it. That day itself she knocked my house in night. I was shocked and confused i had no clue how to treat her. 

She said clearly she wanted her copy back that's all. I was  bouncing with each of my heart beat as it was a miracle to me. But nothing great happened man, i did what i suppose to do, return the copy and bye bye.

Next Morning i just settled in the morning assembly, some people came  to me asked what happen to you in night. i said" what??", confused what i had done , i asked few more people what they know. Then thing turned up to me that i was acting weirdo to her when she came to house. 

I was really popular because of her, but this popularity was of degrading nature. I thought man what to say then I spoke one of my friend about my feelings for her. that was blow. He didn't accepted it at all. Then in interval while leaving for outside, she said sorry to me and said she discussed me and my  behaviour to her mother and she has asked her to say sorry to me. 

 Instant Reputation was gained by her, a girl who talks to her mother. That too about a boy. Come on she hails from one of the best families i have ever come across.

I don't know this made me feel greatly attracted to her(her highness). Now the scene was getting clear and feeling was getting intense. I wanted to meet her mother. I really owe her(mother),as her daughter was with me in the classroom. 

My half yearly ended and they were disasters, i failed in two subjects chemistry and maths.

but i was not the one, only who tottered, i was accompanied with a big group of people.

But she was in elite group of achievers, that was first time i felt or rather infer ed that if want her attraction indeed,have to do some thing better, at least in studies. First thing i did was but obvious joined a tuition , which was more like was to be with her all day long , as she will be in front my eyes. 

That tuition was something horrible for me. I found people come there after mugging up the solution of the questions and just they impress people by their intelligence. Nobody actually studied there , that what i felt. i was no where, Teacher does not even knew my name all the way till it left him(after my 12th exams).

 It was easy to do anything in such big group , me and my friends actually got little closer , especially three people. one was great Leo, Mr.Cool and another was a respectful Indian.

Three of them started influencing me , i was more into what ever they do. Being with each other was only favor to ourselves. i was addicted to their company. they all were great and had loads of talents. Man i never had such kind of friends whole my life. 

They were family , we were happy.

I joined them in all the tuition they go. i started more what they like. i own identity was lost totally in theirs. That was me evolving , a more under confident, help seeking and less effort making guy.

Slogging for something was totally disrespectful. Parent were big talkers nothing more than that.

 And I had an inferiority complex, To keep myself up. i needed companies of great people. and  i lost it.

But that was period of renaissance, i become key player in my basket ball team. I started getting marks in maths exams, as in Half yearly ,i was at 11 , it multiplied to 8 and answer was 88 in finals. i always had great feeling when saw her face in the morning in tuition and till1:30 she was before eyes.  She started inspiring me i felt lovely with writ ting proses , and thinking about life in dramatically way.

I started feeling movies , and scenes. i got attached to people so badly , that even single ignorance was unacceptable.

It all started developing so bad, that started reading novels , first time in my life.  Things started  getting excited when she was near to me, i felt intoxicated. Every scene in a every film , every drama  or every novel i see her and only her.

i was not sleep in nights. Also I always feared that if she came to know then what will happen.

In between one guy was there who actually use to share a good space with her, from starting of the in tuition till she reaches school(it was walkable). all this was somewhere inciting me in heart.

Also every time anybody discussed about him , it was freakish and nobody spoke anything positive about him. I knew what to do. i really never had anything with him. But one fine morning  he did it, he spoke what i i was waiting for. According to him i was more like street lover and throwing my heart to every girl i find.

 He said he knows my past. It was all wrong and very wrong. I cannot hold it , there went a punch and he was bleeding with twisted glasses, my friend(he is in army now) came stopped me from going any further. Also  abused me, for doing such a shit act.

I flt nobody was at my side. they were concerned about him. That was a time i felt these all are not my friends actually. they all share a bond and i don't share that.

I didn't talked to many of them for a week or two. And then things went smooth again.

One thing was clear to them that i was a freak . 

 by this time , i entered in twelfth standard.