tuckered- Prologue

Till now my five attempts to unravel myself to people are done. I know not many people still, know me. And there must be an eagerness in them, as what I m trying to do. Actually I m against this so called culture of achievers. When I was kid I read loads of stories where in the end after all the struggles the hero gets his entitlement. His bruises are paid back as a sweet princess. She overlooks his miser past and allows him to live a proud life. He has to prove himself just once. The ways were different, plots were different but end was same, a state of completeness. So my dear readers this thought is ever inspiring thought to me. And I want to be happy. I want to be in state where people know me and they respect me. This is not possible till I give them a reason for it.

 I have seen many arrogant people, who bully others to not to forget them. I have also seen people who bribe others to not to forget them. But believe me I never fall for them. And luckily I was also spared in both cases as I have been always an unimportant man. 

Man, I’m living in a country of crowd and opportunities. This is a fact that there are people who are doing better than me, exists equally with the fact there are people who doing equally bad.

Earlier I use to be lament on the thought that I don’t get what I deserve. But a suddenly storm of events changed the whole vegetation of the farm.

 I was really a fearing guy, as I felt I cannot bear this enmity to the world. I stayed in accordance to the people many times. I know I just now discussed that I never subdued myself to any person, who wants to gain leadership through any kind of force, but here matter is more related to situations and people who were impressive in their ways. 

 Let us come back to culture of achievers, I found in todays generation the respect is only when you do something. You can never get one when you don’t do anything.

I should make my point a little more clear, if stay in house and help my mother in her work nobody will understand that I’m actually helping her. But rather if I go ahead and ride a motorcycle, fast into the roads everyone will seek me.

At this generation, karma is not important, dharma is least bothered. But Fala(result) is important. That’s why I know people after living life in fourth gear suddenly move to spirituality and mysticism. All this happens only after an age, when body gets deteriorated and souls get tarnished. This is not acceptable to me.

 I wanted to be hippy, truly speaking and somewhere I feel a lot of peace  in it. But sex and intoxication are against my law of living. They are not way to live life, particularly.

People say if I got a chance to relive my life then what you will do. And I know righteously what I should say. In life the most important thing I felt is freedom. But found something beyond that. It‘s called stark dedication. This is something that creates a protocol in a man/woman to live lie for a cause. Usually this thing is alien to young ones, till he/she gets someone that makes them realize that. The most common example of this practice is mother.

It is a dangerous situation sometimes, when the dedication turns into a passion. The blood is only ensuing of any proceedings.

So, my way of reliving life will be dedication to art and human beings. I would choose my life so as I can see people, feeling the might of nature and strength of man. I guess I will start with my sketching ability. I would dedicate my first era of life totally to art and painting. I would try as much I can without bothering about any commercial consequences. I guess, for art one whole life is very little. But my idea is still, to be something distinguishable. All the success, monetary as well as the fame will be shared to the needy ones. I still feel humility of an artist cannot be compared with anything in the world. I know an artist can be proud, in some cases. But he is never a cheater; he labors himself to bring new and innovative ideas to this world. His idea is never, what he will be eating tonight. Rather what else I can make possible in this world. He is thinks and judges by heart. His eyes are always shimmering even in the times of dismay. His balmy looks and life always attract people towards him. His nights are full of dreams and full of color. Even in the darkness of night he felts different shades of darkness. With Such a great vision and such broad sight, a heart full of mirth. I dearly want to be an artist.

My voice against achievers is not for the fact. that i m still moony about achieving greatness. but i have closely followed so many achievers and i found them not worlthy of what they recieved. i know this cannot be a generalization and definitely not a theory, even. But it is clause to the constitution, that before granting something, his intension should be verified first. Because of the crowd and amiable personalities, they real stuffs struggle to come to the surface. 

I know after living this much of life, i may sound a whinning baby. But i' m a man with great resilience and had a plann B for each situation. this became important to tell people as few people definitely going to question my mental stableness. And all of my writitngs is not just about me. in coming blogs I will introduce you some more people, who lacked resilience and ended up in destroying whole life. Where as I survived  and i guess survived to write all that happened to them and what happens to those twenty out of sixty students, who end up as failure to the world. 

So that’s my introduction to people who have a question, what I m?.