Man:23

Today, a 23 year old man with no vision for life.I loves somebody and she does not love me. Hope is heavy word to even spell. I guess now I can understand what Kurt Cobain had felt when he did the crime. Now I’m too wise to bemused and too fool to spoil my life. I’m in a state where adamancy is highest and learning is lowest. I feel, rather I believe that you live for goals and comfort. But they mutually exclusive, I don’t think so. I always had chats about life from my early high school days. My whole perception of life was when you are motivated; you have a vague feeling of attaining the target. I have always found myself as an underdog in all the assignment undertaken. And like fool Hare I waited the tortoise to pass through me and eventually reaching just in time. I guess those races were miser ones. And hence I always had time to reach the target. Another fact is my target. Sometimes I played intelligent or rather over smart by doing it in last nick of second. All those big dreams were actually very petty, if I compare to my latest assignments. I did my small level analysis and found that its comparison of stuff helps you in getting right quality spirit for competition. I never understood that whatever you do in life should be your urge. It should not be somebody’s suggestion, influence or force. I had years without vision, I had years without goal. My parents loved me and I was arrogant about it. If I see exactly what have happened. I would say I getting reborn, not by my mother but, by my own self. I ‘m the father and I’m the mother. And feeling is very bad; I’m pained, worried and disappointed. Just as some orthodox family got girl born. I find so many problems with my personality, my physical aspects and the mentality of course.

If I brought my older self with so called circumstances, I feel more disheartening. I had few plans for my future life. But as the course of time had so many twists and turns I became farther and farther from them. They even now have the same shine and luster but I out of energy now. The U turn is no option. I was really inches away from success. But I can’t say the same for my future.  People say my life has not even started. Come to me I’ll let you know how old I have become deep under my skin. My fight is over even before starting. I was on prowl, when I started my journey and energy was consistence till this November, but now I m getting insane and directionless.