Fundamentally speaking, i always had a clue that i m not gonna go places. Life took and shook me , some events , some people led me to an attitude that i can also be somebody.
I guess this was suppose to happen to make a man feel crazy enough that he will get what he want. See what happen now........all is me and just feeling why I m like that way I m.
A complete disaster,all my talents are in vain coz of my attitude. I cannt think straight. I dont see all those things which a normal human do. and now whats the bet, I cannt even kill myself after reaching at this point. Its not me but people who have an illusion that i can do things great, will be disappointed, harassed and sad.
My question to myself is , is there anything left in you that you can do better.
I guess the way i judge others, i cannot handle my own criticism on my own self.
Talking about basics of life. I hv none, life did offered me but i lost them. love,happiness ,money. always to get more , I always bargained what I had ,and every time this game made me loose.
I m scared thatt whether should I be able to rose myself form ashes. I read in books how great people once were not great, but eventually hey became. They never quit, but I guess waiting for the ultimate day makes you live 100's of pathetic days, where every day you mke a plan and every evening you feel cheated.
Once my grandfather told me optimism is very heavy to carry on back and pessimism is very lite to keep in pocket. So these words meant nothing to me and stir no emotions till I actually got blown away by circumstances.
Man , I hate myself so much that I dont want anybody else to bear me, getting into relationship is horrifying, I m so sad for this kinda personality I hv , I dont think so I will be able to lead a good life.
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